Recently, we remembered that our painter would be coming in to do up the living room shortly and that we hadn't procured the paint for the job. I am too cheap to fork out twenty quid in delivery charges on a total purchase of eighty, so I found myself trudging to an industrial wasteland in search of the wife's favourite brand.
Farrow and Ball make pigments so creamy, so aromatic, so lush, so rich that anyone would love to drink them instead of, say, a milkshake. Naturally, they cost that much more than the likes of Dulux. Even the painter makes orgiastic noises when he runs his brush through one of their cans.
On my way to their outlet, muttering curses as passing cars splattered me with oily mud, I noticed a shop squeezed between a mom-and-pop corner store and an uncle-and-aunt restaurant. In the shop were some antique-looking cars, small ones, like those Hillmans or Morrises of the 1950s. Now those who know me appreciate my singular lack of interest in matters automotive. After all, my Layla back in the US was a Toyota Tercel, much to the hilarity of my friends. (Little do they realise that it is the choice of zippy police patrols in Guatemala). Indeed, when Liam asked me what my dream car would be, I couldn't think of anything (wilting under the pressure, I am afraid) other than a Ford Ka. The next day, after a sleepless night, I suggested that I could get along very nicely with a Delorean. Liam is talking to me again.
But the cars in that little shop were distinctive enough to make me pause. Figaro, it said on the logo on the bonnet. I looked around: there were four vehicles on display, identical except for the colour. I had never heard of a Figaro, and when I came home, I looked up the brand on the Internet. It's a Nissan model introduced in 1989. An award-winning retro design by Shoji Takahashi, twenty thousand were produced in 1991. The least popular colour of the time, Topaz Mist, has now become the most in demand by discerning aficionados. It's got everything a driver may want: CD player, air-conditioning, leather seats, and retractable roof. What's more, God owned one, and that's good enough for me. [Picture by Michiel2005]
[Above: A Moskvitch of 1970s vintage]
[A Volga from the 1970s]
[A Zhiguli-LADA, perhaps the most recognisable Russian car]
Things appear to have changed a little since the fall of Communism. Flush with petrodollars, Russians have started to build automobile factories in right earnest, and - in keeping with the grand tradition of ripping off American designs - produce new entrants into a burgeoning market. Two examples are the Siber, named after the mighty Siber but pronounced oddly as Cyber, and the Patriot.The former is a modification of the Chrysler Sebring, with higher clearance, stiffer suspension, and new lights, mirrors and bumpers. The manufacturer, GAZ, once known for its Volga and Chaika and Zil, wants to pitch this car at the discerning Russian consumer who disdains the cheap Chinese imports but can't afford either Korean or European cars. Interestingly, very little of the car is manufactured in Russia - most parts are imported from North America. GAZ intends to use its own large sales and distribution network as a launchpad for its ambitions.
The Patriot, an SUV made by the automaker UAZ, I am afraid, is a bit of a joke among the locals. You have to be a patriot to buy it, goes the cry among the great unwashed. It is far too expensive for those who might buy a Russian brand, while those who could afford it might just plonk for an import. The Russians, you see, have a deliciously nuanced sense of snobbery: they disdain and covet simultaneously.
Check out the following sites for some fascinating detail on the biggest intellectual property ripoffs in automotive history (well, the biggest until the Chinese got into the act).
1. Volga2. Zhiguli - here and here (Russian), and here.
3. Moskvich
4. Chaika
6. Siber
7. Patriot
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