JOST A MON

The idle ramblings of a Jack of some trades, Master of none

Feb 13, 2015

Red Eyed Minotaur Slaughtered by Heroic Theseus

Yesterday at 7.00 heroic Theseus fought the red eyed Minotaur because every year 14 tributes were sent to Crete to be eaten by the Minotaur.

At 700 am heroic Theseus travelled to Crete to kill the fierce Minotaur because 14 tributes were sent to Crete because a old fierce king named king Minos was very sad of death of his son. It is well known that 14 tributes were sent to Crete because a terrifying King called King Minos was angry at the people of Crete. At Athens an Athenian went to King Ageus to declare that this year heroic Theseus should beat the half man-half bull creature.

It has been reported that one of the prisoners had seen Ariadne giving Theseus a ball of string. It has also been reported that as Theseus entered the cold dark labyrinth, he saw one horn sticking out behind a pillar.

"As I slowly crept along I saw the brutal Minotaur. I stabbed the cold bloodthirsty Minotaur. I have never been so nervous in my life," exclaimed Theseus.

The defeated King Minos said, "Theseus stole my daughter and the stupid Athenian prisoners and fled so fast."

It is reported that having fled the palace Theseus then cruelly left Ariadne on an island. "I can't believe that Theseus broke the agreement. I thought we had a deal," said Ariadne in anger.

(Newspaper report in the Athenian Metro, by the boy.)

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Oct 8, 2014

Gandhian Food

A few months before the outbreak of the first world war, the campaigner [Mahatma Gandhi] and his family sailed back to India to pursue his destiny. He had meetings with Gujarati merchants, indentured Indian labourers and white officials. Addresses were presented to him by Muslims and Parsis, by the Cantonese Club and the Tamil Benefit Society. He attended a dinner hosted by the Hon HA Wyndham, at which aubergine cutlets, asparagus à la vinaigrette and plum tart were served (but no wine). 
Patrick French, 'Gandhi Before India by Ramachandra Guha - review', The Guardian.

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Mar 28, 2012

Cooking in the New Europe

The Guardian ran a series of reports on the New Europe last year. Correspondents spent a few days with a typical family in Germany, for example, or Spain, and wrote up their experiences. No experience was complete without food, as in this instance by Kira Cochrane:
We start with a small dish (tapa) known as fideua, which consists of short noodles, fried by Martiño (he's a keen cook and takes a regular class on a Saturday morning). These are then boiled in a fish broth, and baked in the oven, where they pop up like fresh blades of grass. To follow is a delicious black-ink paella, and then the traditional Catalonian dessert brought by Eva – almonds, hazelnuts, sultanas and dried figs. Miguel's best friend, Leo, a German writer and teacher, arrives as midnight approaches, and the group keep Spanish hours, drinking sweet wine and whisky into the night, and arguing over politics, in anticipation of a relaxed nine o'clock start the next morning.

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Jul 26, 2011

Worcester? Wooster.

Recently, a letter allegedly written by Bertram Wooster was discovered in America. It was published in the Conning Tower column of the New York Tribune, and complained about the graphic nature of Grantland Rice's writings on boxing:
Grantland, Priceless Old Bea, Is Off in Florida, But He Shall Ever So Well Be Spoken To, We Mean to Say
My Dear Old Soul:
I hate to bother and all that sort of thing, but if you've a spare moment I wish you'd toddle down the passage and speak to Grantland Rice. I mean to say, all that stuff he wrote in yesterday's jolly old issue about chappies being "chopped into pink ribbons" and the blighter with the "red grin that bubbled gore." What I mean is, he doesn't seem to realize that we lads who take in the Tribune read it at breakfast, and, believe me, dear old son, when Jeeves, my man, slipped a couple of fried eggs in front of me just at what you might call the psychological moment, it was a near thing, laddie, a very near thing. Jolly old Rice, I've no doubt, is one of those healthy, hearty fellows who skip out of bed like two-year-olds and feel perfectly topping before breakfast, but in my case - well, you know how it is. I'm never much of a lad until after the morning meal. And, when it comes to having to breakfast on red grins and bubbling gore, well, I mean to say, what! I mean, you know what I mean, I mean!
Well, that's all. Cheerio and all that sort of rot! Godd-bye-ee!
Bertie Wooster
(per pro P. G. Wodehouse, Secy.)

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Jun 11, 2011

Choo Choo Food

Howard Jacobson is seriously upset about train travel in Britain. I don't blame him - it is expensive and erratic. What gets his goat, however, is the fall in the quality of the food on board:
The food on trains is once again disgusting. In the last days of British Rail, catering underwent a revolution. I recall an exquisite poached salmon sandwich with rocket and dill sauce "designed" by Clement Freud. To accompany it you could buy wine "selected" by Fay Weldon. Those were the Culture Years. Then we went private and it was back to the breakfast bap designed by Fred West. That's when they have any food other than confectionery at all. Ten minutes out of Edinburgh, on the way back to London, I went to see what was in the shop. "Twix, Mars, Snickers, Kit Kat..."

"No sandwiches?" I politely enquired.

"Don't talk to me in that tone of voice", the onboard shop assistant said.

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Apr 22, 2011

Franz Ferdinand Food

Alex Kapranos, the intellectual front-man for the rock troupe Franz Ferdinand, blogged about the food he ate and the drinks he swilled during one of his tours. Between 16 Sep 2005 and 25 Aug 2006, he posted weekly updates in the Guardian. Much of it comprises quiet observation. Sometimes, it's yum.
Kidney beans seem to be a British interpretation of Mexican food, like mayonnaise with sushi or lasagne and chips. I order migas especiales con hongos, which is eggs scrambled with tortilla strips and mushrooms under a blanket of cheese and red chilli sauce. There is a pool of black beans and a glorious guacamole, light with lime and coriander, on the side. It is perfect breakfast food: homely and reassuring, with enough piquancy to wake you up.
(He had just asked some Texans if they ate kidney beans. Eew, gross, was the reply.)

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Apr 3, 2011

Wireless Trends

The Wall Street Journal had a recent article about a bunch of entrepreneurs gathering in New York to discuss trends in wireless technologies. Of course, there is food involved:
Around 8 p.m., dinner was served. Guests had two choices: Arctic char with green cabbage, cauliflower and American caviar, or a braised flat iron steak with caramelized shallots, squash and sweet potatoes.

In the middle of dinner, Rush Doshi, co-founder of SuperGlued, a free iPhone app that lets users share concert experiences and buy tickets, threw a mind grenade onto the table. "I don't think people realize how much data they are giving away," said Mr. Doshi. "I think you'll start hearing a lot more about privacy."

"You share much more information on the Web than you do on your phone," replied Eric Litman, chief executive of Medialets, a two-year-old company that helps advertisers create and serve ads on mobile devices.

As the waiters brought out a dessert of sticky toffee fig cake, entrepreneur Jonathan Wegener said the emergence of tools that allow people to set up private groups would help solve the problem. "People will take back privacy by creating groups," said Mr. Wegener, co-founder of Exit Strategy, which makes an app with New York subway and street maps.

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Oct 26, 2010

False Currency

Saw an interesting headline in the Zambian Post recently. 'Rupiah is a lair, Sata tells Mpulungu residents', it said. Got me thinking. Are Zambians investing in Indonesia? Does Mr Sata think that the Indonesians are up to no good? Will they, heavens above, devalue their currency? And why does he say 'lair'? Does he mean that that's where the unwary end up?

That's the problem with working in the foreign exchange markets. Everything one sees is coloured through an exchange rate prism. Fortunately, a quick perusal of the newspaper content disabused me of any foreign exchange related notions. 'Lair' was a typo. That should have read 'Rupiah is a liar.' And, of course, Rupiah is the first name of Mr Sata's opponent at the Mpulungu parliamentary by-election.

Mr Sata added, "I am younger to Rupiah Banda by only six months but I am honest."

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May 17, 2010

Journalism Then And Now

After Gordon Brown called that poor woman a bigot, her front lawn was invaded by all the press of the free world, desperate to get a statement from her. Unbeknownst to all these worthies, reporters from the Sun had snuck in through her backyard, and were trying to get her to slam Labour in return for big money. In the search for the scoop, it seems, any amount of skullduggery is allowed.

Such a far cry, then, from the more genteel world of 1960s journalism. As Michael Frayn reports in his neat little collection of essays titled Travels with a Typewriter: A Reporter at Large, things were more bonhomous. He was a new hire for the (Manchester) Guardian at the time, and:
I was worried before I arrived in Manchester that I had never managed to get my shorthand up to speed. It didn't turn out to be much of a problem, though, because reports on other papers, not regarding the Guardian as serious professional competition, often saw it as one of their charitable obligations in life to seek you out afterwards and 'fill you in' from their own notes.
Ah, the sixties. Those were the days.

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May 19, 2009

Crimini

So now that we have the results of the elections in India, the intelligentia is busy discussing the increased number of candidates (both winning and losing) with criminal records. We see such headlines as: "India Voted for 150 Criminal Netas", and "150 Newly Elected MPs Have Criminal Records"

A look into the text reveals that the 150 Members of Parliament have criminal cases pending against them.

Some of the MPs have serious charges against them.

Added into the same text is a glib statement that the number of multimillionaires has doubled as compared to the last Parliament.

Now all this raises a question or two:

Are people confusing 'criminal records' with 'criminal cases against'? [I'd have thought the former applied to someone who has been sentenced in a criminal court, whereas the latter just means that there's a case pending against him in court. I may be wilfully naive here, but merely having a case against one is surely insufficient grounds for opprobrium. After all, one hasn't been sentenced. True, the judicial system in India is creakier than a bullock-cart, and cases take years to come up before a judge. And, knowing the corruption that permeates all layers of society, it is very likely that many of MPs are criminals de facto, even if not de jure. Still, it seems irresponsible to call someone a criminal before a verdict is reached in court.]

Possibly, then, people are upset that the judiciary hasn't got its act together to sort out these criminal cases, sentence the guilty and clear the innocent?

Or are people generally miffed that the increase in numbers of MPs with criminal cases against them implies an increased criminalisation of politics?

And why the addition of the wealthy into the criminal-cases mix? Are people claiming that these millionaires contribute to the criminalisation of politics? Or that some of these rich folks and defendants of criminal cases are the same people?

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Feb 11, 2009

Readers on the WC Line

For the past few days, I've been jotting down figures on a little scrap of paper as I travel on the Underground. For my efforts, I've received unblinking glares and suspicious stares of my fellow passengers. I blame Veena and her demographic research. She wanted to know what the bankers on the Waterloo and City Line read (as opposed to the folks she saw on the Northern Line). Here's what I found.

The majority reads nothing. They stand vacantly, shifting from foot to foot, or sit drooling at each other. I counted 333 people in the past week, of which 49% had reading material in their paws. Of these, the distribution was as follows:

  1. Free Papers (Metro and its afternoon cousins): 76%
  2. Broadsheets (Guardian, Independent, Times, Telegraph, Evening Standard): 6%
  3. Financial Times: 2% (well, 3 readers in all. Three! I'm not too surprised, though. The financial decision-makers would have obtained all the relevant news on their Blackberries or Bloomberg or Reuters screens the previous day.)
  4. Fiction: 10%
  5. Non-fiction: 5%
  6. The Economist: 1% (Now this is a bit surprising. I thought there might be a lot more middle-brow people among the City punters. I guess I was wrong.)

No preponderance of any particular kind of fiction. Of the 16 books I saw, I didn't observe any title repeated. Nor were any of the books particularly memorable. One guy avidly clutched at a brick of a Japanese thriller by Koushun Takami (in translation, of course). One woman read a Carlos Ruiz Zafon book in the original.

The (few) non-fiction readers proved just slightly more eclectic in their variety. There was a philosophy aficionado appreciating Bertrand Russell, and there was a political historian awed by Niall Ferguson. A couple of sports biographies and self-help books rounded off the rest.

So now you know.

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Nov 5, 2008

The Chinese Admiration for Wellington

Will someone versed in Chinese please tell me what the syllables referred to below mean?

Curious Reason for Admiration. - A traveller mentions, that of all modern heroes, the Duke of Wellington is the most popular in China : that, it is said, results not from the victories obtained by this nobleman, for about the battle of Waterloo the Chinese know but little, and care still less ; it is the name of the noble Duke that possesses such a charm to the ears of his admirers; it sounds, and it is pronounced, very much like a word of Chinese origin - Wee-ling-tong. As the name of this hero thus pronounced contains three distinct Chinese words, he is in their estimation one of the greatest men that ever lived - perhaps descended in a direct line from the five-clawed dragon, who, it seems, is the guardian saint of the Celestial Empire.

The Times, October 23, 1822.

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Oct 26, 2008

Pusillanimous Press

Clearly, currying favour with the regime in power is an excellent way to maintain the health of the journalistic industry. See this sequence of reports in the Bourbon-controlled French newspaper Moniteur, reporting Napoleon's escape from St. Elba and arrival in Paris (March 1815):

March 9: "The monster has escaped from the place of his banishment ; and he has run away from Elba."

March 10: "The Corsican ogre has landed at Cape Juan."

March 11: "The tiger has shown himself at Gap. Troops are advanced on all sides to arrest his progress. He will conclude his miserable adventure by becoming a wanderer among the mountains."

March 12: "The monster has actually advanced as far as Grenoble. We know not to what treachery to ascribe it."

March 13: "The tyrant is now at Lyon. Fear and terror seized all at his appearance."

March 18: "The usurper has ventured to approach within sixty hours' march of the capital."

March 19: "Bonaparte is advancing by forced marches ; but it is impossible that he would reach Paris!"

March 20: "Napoleon will arrive under the walls of Paris tomorrow."

March 21: "The Emperor Napoleon is at Fontainebleu."

March 22: "Yesterday evening, His Majesty the Emperor made his public entry and arrived at the Tuileries. Nothing can exceed the universal joy!"

Frederic Hudson, Journalism in the United States: From 1690 to 1872, Routledge, 2002.

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Jul 1, 2008

Politically Correct Search-Replace

Here's an absolutely hilarious development. The American Family Network - a fundamentalist Christian organisation filled with froth-at-the-mouth types - believes that the use of 'gay' is euphemistic, and endeavours to replace all occurrences of the word by 'homosexual' in news reports that it publishes on its website. Naturally, any blind search-and-replace is fraught with peril, as they discovered to their discomfiture, when the blogosphere cottoned on to them. The US athletes Rudy Gay and Tyson Gay were referred to as Rudy Homosexual and Tyson Homosexual.

Read all about it at the Right-Wing Watch

Here's AFN's raison d'etre. All the relevant keywords, especially those that are cracking me up, are in bold:
Whether it's a story about prayer in public schools, workplace restrictions on Christians or battles for biblical truth within our denominations, the American Family News Network (AFN) is here to tell you what the newsmakers are saying.

AFN is a Christian news service - with more than 1200 broadcast, print and online affiliates in 45 states and 11 foreign countries - that exists to present the day's stories from a biblical perspective. We not only feature the latest breaking stories from across the United States and around the world, but also news of the challenges facing Christians in today's society.

At OneNewsNow.com, you will get your news from reporters you can trust to give the latest news without the liberal bias that characterizes so much of the "mainstream" media.

For a refreshing and informative change in where you get your news, log on to OneNewsNow.com.

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Nov 14, 2007

The New Zimbabwe (Free!)

London abounds with free newspapers, catering to every whim and community. Some of them are pushed through our mailbox, several we find strewing the ends of escalators in the Tube, and yet others are stacked up on street corners in bright green, red, blue and white boxes. The New Zimbabwe is one among these and I saw it lying about recently languishing at home.

The paper is published from Birmingham and has a website. The editor, Mduduzi Mathuthu, thoughtfully provides his mobile phone, and I am fairly certain that he only does so because he welcomes close contact with his readership.

In common with most men, I started reading the paper from the back. In my case, this was not because I am particularly interested in sports, but because the headline said "It's War" in bold white against a red background. It referred to the Zimbabwean soccer league's top two teams about to meet each other for what is effectively the title decider. It's good to see that the Dynamos and the Highlanders are giving it their all, especially when that old bastard Mugabe seems hellbent on annihilating what is left of their country.

There are full page advertisements by money transfer types and by the IOM (International Organisation for Migration). These worthies can help me return home if my visa has expired, or if I am illegally in the UK, or if I am an asylum seeker. Good to know. It's not part of the UK government, but probably gets its funds directly or indirectly from Her Majesty for the same reason that the phatta at the bottom of this article is funny.

Then there's socialite gossip, Southern African style. A drag queen claims she had an affair with Nhlanhla Neiza's hubby but now wants to reconcile. Who is Nhlanhla Neiza? I am pleased to say that she is the lead singer of the very popular band Mafikizolo, known near and far for such hits as Emlanjeni.

There's an agony aunt column by Skye Roseline T Chirape, who has a degree in psychology, is a writer and a freelance fashion stylist. A small square photo shows a a grimacing woman with what look like blond dreadlocks, a large pink bangle on one wrist, and a rectangular purple handbag. Her advice has much common sense in it, and she addresses such issues as what two young lesbians should do to have a baby; whether a happily married man should tell his wife that he bonked a whore; and what a woman, whose husband's friends taunt her, should do, especially when her hubby ignores the insults.

Moving on, the Religious Corner tackles healthy eating. It points out that Biblically acceptable foods, if eaten in moderation, should provide all the sustenance and health benefits touted by modern science. Lot Masiane, the author, may very well be right, and he makes his points without any finger-jabbing.

The business section makes for some interesting reading. There have been reported plans by the Zimbabwean reserve bank to demonetise its currency. It is currently pegged at 30,000 to the US dollar, an eminently laughable rate considering that on the black market, you can get forty times as much. Some speculators, it is claimed, tried to make money ahead of the issue of the new currency, but got burned when the central bank decided to postpone its plans.

But it is the finance column by Lance Mambondiani, director of Coronation Financial Holdings, that boggles the mind. Invest in the Zimbabwean Stock Market!? Who would bother? And yet, clearly he is providing a service to the benighted investors in that country. He addresses the question of whether investing in shares would beat the black market, especially since price controls would trash corporates. He points out that by using inflation hedge investment options, one indeed could have beaten the parallel market. His reasoning is that since the distribution of returns of the ZSE is so non-normal, standard risk measures do not apply, and so investors have flocked into it purely based on inflation and forecasts of monetary policy expansion. Considering that numbers on the indices are nonsensical (287,380,621.19 in October 2007, and I particularly like the decimal points), it is perhaps only a sign of the acute desperation of the Zimbabwean who has to shell out millions to obtain a loaf of bread that he makes any stock purchase at all. To add to the mayhem, Lance provides tips on exiting gracefully from a bull run, and says that the TOP 5 recommendations for stocks can be had by email from info@coronationfinancial.com.

The cover article is on the murder in Hull of (pay attention here) the lover of the sister of the current Miss Zimbabwe UK by her (the sister's) ex-boyfriend, an Angolan dude. There's a photo of the sisters with their mother, which you can see above, and the sister, on the left, looks far hotter than the Miss Zimbabwe. After the murder was reported, the mailing forums on the newspaper's website started chattering. One particularly sensitive fellow who knew the victim said he had warned him about Zimbabwean women: Definitely, not about the knife thing, but about the dreaded disease. Another pointed out that the man was South African, hardworking unlike many of his compatriots, and Zimbabwean women fancied him simply because he was not Zimbabwean. Ouch.

In main news, a diesel mystic appears to have fooled the ZANU-PF party hacks and exposed the gullibility of that son-of-a-bitch Mugabe's cabinet, who are desperate to find magic solutions to the country's descent into hell. When Zimbabwe faced crippling fuel shortages, Nomatter Tagarira convinced the powers-that-be that Changamire Dombo, the cattle-driver founder of the Rozvi Empire, had left behind treasures hidden in Mashonaland West province.
This wealth, in the form of diesel, gold and diamonds, she told mesmerised ministers, could help the country out of the economic quagmire spawned by violent seizures of productive farmland in 2007.
Eager to locate and exploit this cornucopia, the ministers of Home Affairs, Defence and Security rushed to the medium, provided her with protection and lavished her with wealth, and waited for the diesel to gush out. Needless to say, it didn't and Tagarira is now in prison on charges of fraud. No guesses on how this unfortunate deluded woman will end up.

There's some other news. Nothing too interesting. The editorial column is inconspicuous. Instead there is a long and impassioned argument against Tsvangirai, the hapless chief of the opposition, who is accused of being as autocratic, arbitrary and corrupt as ZANU-PF, except with that he bears a democratic mask. The only way to resuscitate the movement for democracy, the author claims, is to putsch old Morgan who has abandoned constitutional propriety in every crisis faced by his outfit. Meanwhile, Joram Nyathi writes (in How Africans Impoverish Africa) that Africans today are mainly to blame for the continent's ills, because educated Africans abandon their homelands in droves. He accords some blame on the West for acquiescing to and indeed living off this brain drain, but points out Africa doesn't really need philanthropy -
it needs its skill back: its doctors, architects, lawyers, accountants, teachers, university lecturers and engineers to feed and develop itself. African intellectuals owe the continent a huge debt.
Amen to that. And if people ask exactly what you are doing about this yourself, you can honestly point out that you are one of the few that stayed behind: deputy editor of the Zimbabwe Independent, based in Harare. It is heartening that at least one person has the courage of his convictions. I wish you well, my brother.

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