JOST A MON

The idle ramblings of a Jack of some trades, Master of none

Nov 5, 2013

Another Perfect Martini

To provoke, or sustain, a reverie in a bar, you have to drink English gin, especially in the form of a dry martini... Connoisseurs who like their martinis very dry suggest simply allowing a ray of sunlight to shine through a bottle of Noilly Prat before it hits the bottle of gin. Another crucial recommendation is that the ice be so cold and hard that it won't melt, since nothing's worse than a watery martini. For those who are still with me, let me give you my personal recipe, the fruit of long experimentation and guaranteed to produce perfect results. The day before your guests arrive, put all the ingredients - glasses, gin and shaker - in the refrigerator. Use a thermometer to make sure the ice is about twenty degrees below zero (centigrade). Don't take anything out until your friends arrive; then pour a few drops of Noilly Prat and half a demitasse spoon of Angostura bitters over the ice. Shake it, then pour it out, keeping only the ice, which retains a faint taste of both. Then pour straight gin over the ice, shake it again, and serve.

- Luis Buñuel, My Last Sigh

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Oct 3, 2013

The Perfect Martini

While writers of crime fiction try to lend some colour to their tales by adding detailed recipes for regional gastronomic specialties, Carmen Posadas, at least, strives to be different. In the book The Last Resort, a recipe for the perfect martini is offered, instead.

"All right, Hassam. Now you must play very close attention to what I tell you. Take notes and repeat after me: to make a good dry martini, we need, in this order: one part gin, Beefeater if possible." 
"One paht gin, Beefeatah if possible," Hassam repeats. "Very good, sir.
I would be very disappointed if you, the readers who have been with me since the beginning of this story, were to think me careless or disrespectful [...] 
"Now write this down, Hassam. We need a few drops of dry vermouth. Very dry." 
"A few drops of dry vermouth. Very dry." 
[...] 
"Now we will need a glass cocktail shaker." 
"Let me write this down," says Hassam. "Transparent glass cocktail shaker." 
[...] 
"Do you have it all down, Hassam? Very well. Now, you don't have to repeat this next bit back to me, just take it all down. First, fill the cocktail shaker with a fair amount of ice. Have you got that? All right, you will then bless the ice cubes with a drop - one drop, Hassam! - of vermouth and then you shall add the gin. Then - and this is extremely important, Hassam. Don't try and be original, please - the liquid shall be shaken, not stirred. Is that clear? After that, all you have to do is pour it, making sure that no ice cubes fall into the glass. A good dry martini, Hassam, is a difficult thing to achieve, although I am sure that if you follow my instructions point by point..." 
[...] 
...I sit here recounting my final observations on all that has come to pass at L'Hirondelle d'Or in betwen my attempts to get this dim-witted waiter to mix a perfect martini. 
"Ah! There you are, Hassam, finally! Let's see how you made out this time around." 
I test out the martini, though I will save you the gory details. Once again, the experiment has been a disaster.

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Feb 12, 2011

Champagne Bitter Spicy Shaken

Evelyn Waugh travelled about, casting an acerbic eye at one moment, a sardonic look at another, except where alcohol was concerned, and came up with a rather peculiar exotic drink, involving, among other things, champagne and Angostura Bitters. (What the devil is an Angostura Bitter?) Here is an excerpt from When the Going Was Good:
I told him that I had had a late night, drinking after the ball with some charming Norwegians, and felt a little shaken. He then made me this drink, which I commend to anyone in need of a wholesome and easily accessibly pick-me-up. he took a large tablet of beet sugar (an equivalent quantity of ordinary lump sugar does equally well) and soaked it in Angostura Bitters and then rolled it in Cayenne pepper. This he put into a large glass which he filled up with champagne. The excellences of this drink defy description. The sugar and Angostura enrich the wine and take away that slight acidity which renders even the best champagne slightly repugnant in the early morning. Each bubble as it rises to the surface carries with it a red grain of pepper, so that as one drinks one’s appetite is at once stimulated and gratified, heat and cold, fire and liquid, contending on one’s palate and alternating in the mastery of one’s sensations. I sipped this almost unendurably desirable drink and played with the artificial birds and musical boxes until Alastair was ready to come out.

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Feb 10, 2011

Ernest Bloody Mary

Ernest Hemingway, famous story-teller, laconic so-and-so, four times married, a gastronome, a Francophile, a heavy drinker, a suicide, had the following recipe (complete with spelling mistakes) for a Bloody Mary.
"To make a pitcher of Blood Marys (any smaller amount is worthless) take a good sized pitcher and put in it as big a lump of ice as it will hold. (This is to prevent too rapid melting and watering of our product.) Mix a pint of good Russian vodka and an equal amount of chilled tomato juice. Add a tablespoon of Worcestershire Sauce. Lea and Perrin is usual but can use A 1 or any good beef steak sauce. Stirr. Then add a jigger of fresh squeezed lime juice. Stirr. Then add small amounts of celery salt, cayenne pepper, black pepper. 
"Keep on stirring and taste it to see how it is doing. If you get it too powerful weaken with more tomato juice. If it lacks authority add more vodka. Some people like more lime than others. For combating a really terrific hangover increase the amount of Worcestershire Sauce but don't lose the lovely color. 
"Keep drinking it yourself to see how it is doing. After you get the hang of it you can mix it so it will taste as though it had absolutely no alcohol of any kind in it and a glass of it will still have as much kick as a really good big martini. Whole trick is to keep it very cold and not let the ice water it down. Use good vodka and good tomato juice. 
"There is a very fine Mexican sauce called Esta Si Pican (sort of mild tabasco) that is good added to the Bloody Marys, too. Just a few drops."

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Feb 8, 2011

Ogden Nash Cocktail

Ogden Nash complained against ridiculous additives in salads. Time, I think, to move onto his witty observations on sundry liqueurs. Here's his Mint Julep:
There is something about a mint julep.
It is nectar imbibed in a dream,
As fresh as the bud of the tulip,
As cool as the bed of the stream.
There is something about a mint julep,
A fragrance beloved by the lucky.
And perhaps it's the tint of the frost and the mint,
But I think it was born in Kentucky.
And here is his Highball:
There is something they put in a highball
That awakens the torpidest brain,
That kindles a spark in the eyeball,
Gliding, singing through vein after vein.
There is something they put in a highball
Which you'll notice one day, if you watch;
And it may be the soda, but judged by the odor,
I rather believe it's the Scotch.
And, in the same vein, he goes on to extol the Old-Fashioned:
There is something about an old-fashioned
That kindles a cardiac glow;
It is soothing and soft and impassioned
As a lyric by Swinburne or Poe.
There is something about an old-fashioned
When dusk has enveloped the sky,
And it may be the ice, or the pineapple slice,
But I strongly suspect it's the Rye.

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