The idle ramblings of a Jack of some trades, Master of none

Oct 3, 2013

The Perfect Martini

While writers of crime fiction try to lend some colour to their tales by adding detailed recipes for regional gastronomic specialties, Carmen Posadas, at least, strives to be different. In the book The Last Resort, a recipe for the perfect martini is offered, instead.

"All right, Hassam. Now you must play very close attention to what I tell you. Take notes and repeat after me: to make a good dry martini, we need, in this order: one part gin, Beefeater if possible." 
"One paht gin, Beefeatah if possible," Hassam repeats. "Very good, sir.
I would be very disappointed if you, the readers who have been with me since the beginning of this story, were to think me careless or disrespectful [...] 
"Now write this down, Hassam. We need a few drops of dry vermouth. Very dry." 
"A few drops of dry vermouth. Very dry." 
"Now we will need a glass cocktail shaker." 
"Let me write this down," says Hassam. "Transparent glass cocktail shaker." 
"Do you have it all down, Hassam? Very well. Now, you don't have to repeat this next bit back to me, just take it all down. First, fill the cocktail shaker with a fair amount of ice. Have you got that? All right, you will then bless the ice cubes with a drop - one drop, Hassam! - of vermouth and then you shall add the gin. Then - and this is extremely important, Hassam. Don't try and be original, please - the liquid shall be shaken, not stirred. Is that clear? After that, all you have to do is pour it, making sure that no ice cubes fall into the glass. A good dry martini, Hassam, is a difficult thing to achieve, although I am sure that if you follow my instructions point by point..." 
...I sit here recounting my final observations on all that has come to pass at L'Hirondelle d'Or in betwen my attempts to get this dim-witted waiter to mix a perfect martini. 
"Ah! There you are, Hassam, finally! Let's see how you made out this time around." 
I test out the martini, though I will save you the gory details. Once again, the experiment has been a disaster.


Post a Comment