The idle ramblings of a Jack of some trades, Master of none

May 27, 2007

Sorely Trying

I can't sleep. I have been tossing and turning for minutes. My throat has been sore for twelve days. This has never happened before. I have trouble swallowing. Coughing is agonising. Age is catching up with me.

Usually, a night of laryngitis quickly transforms itself into a phlegmy cough and cold. After a week of sniffling and hacking, I am back to normal. But now that I am approaching forty years of age, the system is weakening. What is a boy to do?

I flatter myself that the cause of my sore throat is not this. Still, there are other worries. I had a physical checkup recently. Now I am faced with that bête noire of the average desi: high cholesterol and too many triglycerides. So that puts paid to my exploration of the great cheeses of the world. I have to stop eating red meat. The five fruit I consume a day will need to be supplemented by raw salads - without dressing. That is to say, I'll be naked while eating those salads. Do I continue to casually amble to work with my nose buried in a book? No longer! Instead, I shall speed-walk and speed-read simultaneously. I shall continue to run up the stairs to the fourth floor in the office. I shall descend gingerly to avoid stressing my knees. Then I shall run upstairs again. I shall be all sweaty and glowing with health.

But first, I have to get rid of this sore throat. Strepsils, Halls - lozenges all of utter uselessness. The saline gargle, so beloved of mothers and old-fashioned doctors, makes my throat even sorer. I drink hot water, which merely serves to make me thirstier.

Where's the brandy and honey when I need it?


Post a Comment