The idle ramblings of a Jack of some trades, Master of none

For the seventh time in as many weeks, I've fallen victim to a new variant of the cold virus. It's all the boy's fault, of course. His nursery is a hotbed of virulent mutants and pernicious disease, and my immune system can barely cope with the constant onslaught. So I sniffle and I snuffle and you better not shake hands with me.

I have a theory. Laugh all you want or propose me for the next Nobel Prize in Medicine. I swear it makes sense. I think these viruses actually modify human behaviour! Look at the facts dispassionately before you roll your eyes.

What does one do when faced with an epidemic? One flees the cities for the countryside, where one promptly spreads the infection among the unsuspecting peasants. Do you honestly think that a city dweller wants to go live in the boonies? He'd sooner kill himself. The reason he doesn't is that the virus won't allow it.

What does the AIDS victim do? Why, if he is particularly weak-willed, he has unprotected sex with as many partners as he can, so that the virus is disseminated far and wide. How about that, then?

Why has no cure ever been found for the common cold? The viruses have prevented it. Why would they permit their own destruction? Hoo-boy, bet you didn't think of that, did you?

Immigrants from tropical climes come to the dreary countries of the north and fall victim to various colds and flus. Does this rash of ill-health impel them to return to their more salubrious ancestral homes? No! Why not? Because the virus would not have much of a chance there, eh? The virus wants a growing pool of victims to live on, so the immigrant stays on in London. He faces cold after cold, convinces himself that his life is immeasurably better in this city of despair.

The mighty virus, meanwhile, continues to multiply, mutate, and laugh itself silly at yet another pusillanimous punter who continues to believe in free will.

Eh? Eh?


Anonymous said...

So you think AIDS victims are actively seeking to infect other people through casual sex?
You're looking at a lawsuit pal!!

labsji said...

"Thanks for all the fish!"

Fëanor said...

Dei, Kulls. What's up with the Douglas Adams reference?!

labsji said...

What Douglas Adams mentioned about Dolphins in HHGTTG, you are saying about viruses.
Reminds me of a Lou Tsu story. One day always happy and genial Lou Tsu was sitting with a long face in deep thought. When asked, he explained about his all to realistic dream of being a butterfly. Now, his worry was, is Butterfly dreaming as Lou Tsu or Lou Tsu dreaming up as Butterfly!

Check this out: Glitch in the Matrix

newAgeIndian said...

Reminds me of a story by isaac asimov, where a couple of scientist find cure for the cold by killing viurs, But in the process, the medicine other bacterias in the system, that prevents us from smelling obnoxious things.
So, these fellas try hard to catch hold and yes the story ends with the sound "atchoo".
Asimov Rocks.

Fëanor said...

@labsji: dei, are you giving me the finger? albeit via matrices? :-)

@newageindian: i'm not familiar with that particular asimov story, but there has certainly been a lot of talk, especially in the west, of the paranoid levels of hygiene leading to constant use of germicide in people's houses, which tends to do two things: one, force the bacteria to evolve mutant and resistant strains, and two, increasing allergies among kids who are no longer subject to an environment that would have improved their immune systems. so - screwed if you do, and screwed if you don't. life is good!

Anonymous said...

i havent caught a cold in 3 years... bangalore is full of viruses, bacteria and speutum... the only reason i can see is office is on the 12 and 13th floor of a building in Bangalore... i also have an office on the ground floor... this ensures that i am in the elevator atleast 10 times a day... in india all the buildings are under capacity in people movement... our building has 4 elevators instead of 8 therefore i am always surrounded by atelast 8 to 10 people every trip up and down... it has done wonders to my immune system!!

Post a Comment